A Western Woman's Heart

A "Western Woman's Heart" from The Line Rider,
the monthly publication of the Fellowship of
Christian Cowboys, Inc.

Living with your children’s choices

I once overheard a father lamenting some of his college-age son’
s decisions. “He’s made us so proud in so many ways, and then
he goes and does something really stupid.”

Many parents today have said similar things, and not just those
who failed to impress Christian values upon their children. Even
the godliest of mothers and fathers have wept in disappointment
over bad choices their not-so-little kids have made.

However, as the adults in the family, our reaction may be more
important than our child’s poor decision. Our response to their sin
will determine whether relationships are broken in condemnation
or restored through unconditional love.

When my kids blow it, my natural impulses range from anger and
disappointment to personal regret for not being a better parent.
None of these reactions are appropriate long-term attitudes.

My pastor once asked if I thought God was a good example of the
perfect parent. “Yes, of course,” I answered.

“Well then,” he replied, “what went wrong with Adam and Eve?”

Good question.

Our sons and daughters are blessed with the same gift God gave
his first two kids: free will. It gets them into trouble just like it did
Adam and Eve, and just like it does us.

If we follow God’s example of perfect parenting, we’ll notice that
He didn’t blame Himself for their choices. But neither did He say,
“How could you do this to Me?”

God told Adam and Eve there would be consequences, and there
were. But there was grace as well.

Browbeating our children or ourselves is not part of His plan.
Natural consequences follow every choice, including a bad one.
When you pound a nail into a board, it leaves a hole even after
you pull out the nail. Hopefully, personal remorse accompanies
those consequences, for the Bible tells us that godly sorrow leads
to repentance. But constant reminders and a critical attitude on
our part help no one. Doesn’t God also say that there is “no
condemnation for those who are in Christ”?

When Jesus told the story of the prodigal son, He never spoke
against the father’s parenting skills. He did not rattle off a list of
“should have’s” or “if only’s.” But He did say that dad never gave
up on his wayward son. The father watched day after day for his
boy, and when the young man finally came home, dad was waiting
with open arms.

The realization of our children’s free will is not a license to let them
go wild. It does not let us off the hook to walk away shrugging our
shoulders, mumbling something about not being able to control
them. But it can help us survive some of their choices.

Of course we don’t want them to walk outside the love and laws of
the Lord; of course we want them to avoid the pitfalls of
temptation and walk in the protection of self-control. But we are
not the miracle worker, God is. The Holy Spirit draws a person to
Christ, regardless of that person’s home life. That is why we must
bloody our knees in prayer for our beloved children – all of their
lives.

Do we believe in forgiveness enough to extend it to our children
when they choose a way that isn’t ours?

Begin the New Year by giving your kids – and yourself – a fresh
start with forgiveness. God does every day.

“…forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward
to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the
prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus” (Phil. 3:13, 14).

Copyright Davalynn Spencer, 2005

Contact Davalynn at davalynnspencer@hotmail.com

What readers are
saying:

Dear Davalynn,

My mail lady drove up to
my door and honked,
and told me to tell you
how your article in the
Jan issue on Your
Children's Choices was
JUST for her!!! She was
on the mail route and
couldn't stop, but she
was all teary and wanted
to thank us for having
you write articles for the
Line Rider. It was so
powerful and has
ministered to so many. -
L. Scholtz - Fellowship of
Christian Cowboys, Inc.


Dear Davalynn,

I just wanted to thank you
for your article in The
Line Rider (Living with
your Children's Choices).
Christian and
non-Christian parents
need to be reminded
about the effect we have
on our kids! Most often
we set the bar so high
that we forget that our
role is the parent. I am
copying the article to
share with the parents at
our church in Louisville.
Hope to catch other
articles of yours. Your gift
is a blessing.   - S. Day